THE THINGS LEFT

friend: hey Sarah want to come to a bar you’ve never been to with me and someone you’ve never met before?

me: no because I feel horrible about myself whenever I go to a bar with people I don’t know because they always complain I’m too quiet since I’m getting used to them. but thank you for the invite.

FEELS SO GOOD to just say NO instead of going with and feeling awful and feeling like I should feel bad for not having a good time in a bar. it’s okay to have fun in different ways. it’s good to finally realize that about myself.

okay, so I have officially fulfilled my pact I made with myself. I promised myself to stay single for an entire year. This was a challenge for me, as I had spent the last two years bouncing from one relationship to the next. It wasn’t healthy, I knew I wasn’t emotionally stable, and I knew I was using those flings as a way to avoid being in a healthy relationship with myself. That is the most important relationship of all. At the end of our lives, we will not have anyone else inside our head but ourselves.

Our own voice will be the last we ultimately hear. Don’t you want to hear nice things?

I feel like the next step of growing up for me is to become fit and healthy. I don’t want to be like my mom and neglect my body until I’ve had six children and then I’m 45 years old with crappy metabolism and can’t make any progress.

I need to do this NOW.

I won’t regret it.

allaroundworst:

I have never understood the “instant connection” that some people seem to have with one another because it takes me at least four to five months to convince the people I meet that I am not nuts.

remember that one time when I ordered a latte at the Starbucks near my apartment

and remember how my ex from two years ago who refuses to acknowledge my existence out of guilt was the barista on shift and had to make my drink

lol I remember that, because it happened this morning.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

three more weeks until l get to see you. seems like such a long time!

going to channel that into: three more weeks to work hard in the gym and look toned. :)

when I have a looot of emotions, I don’t sleep. so, I’m not sleeping. I will probably definitely regret this in about eleven hours. I have a two hour music history lecture and then an aural quiz and then a rehearsal with my pianist in my lesson and uh my lesson and then quartet rehearsal and then studio and then shoe shopping

hahahHAHAHhhahahahHHAAHAha

but, until then:

INTERNET PARTY

after this horrible weekend and emotional day (pulled into HR at the last minute to discuss aforementioned weekend.. cute), I really needed that three hour Skype session with you. you make me laugh SO much. another full day tomorrow with little sleep.. I don’t care. I am so excited to meet you next month.

hey self,

tomorrow is going to suck. you will be exhausted. you will probably want to destroy anyone who attempts to speak to you. you are already aware of all of this. but, you should fight that urge, and breathe and remind yourself that you can do this! you hear people tell you that you’re awesome, but you never really believe them. go ahead and tell yourself you’re awesome tomorrow whenever you start to bubble up inside. and.. hey, you get to Skype with him tomorrow. so keep a smile on your face until then, okay?

love,

me

one of my male coworkers is losing his job today because I reported him this morning.
don’t send me psychotic texts after I warn you repeatedly to stop. don’t make me afraid for my life, don’t make me cry out of fear. I’m not going to let myself be that next sad story of some girl who got shot up by a neurotic, lonely stalker. the worst part is that I never formally gave him my number. he got my number because I called the work phone from my cell phone while he was on duty.